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Present day: My thoughts and actions are shifting a bit. I still consider myself a heterosexual. I still shave and wear women’s lingerie, underwear, etc. but the frequency is getting less compared to a few years ago. There’s nothing sexier than a woman, to me. Perhaps that’s why, if I could, I’d become a woman. But when I watch straight videos, I put myself in the place of the woman. I identify more with her. I’m not wishing I were that guy nailing her, but wishing I was her getting nailed. I’ve always been submissive and very eager to please. I’ve never had an encounter with another man. I’d love to some day and hope it will happen, but I would have to be fully dressed as a woman and play the part to its fullest. And it wouldn’t bother me if it was a manly man or a crossdresser—I just want to have a homosexual encounter and not be in control. I’m not getting any younger. So many years have passed me by. It’s all perspective, you know. Looking ahead, 10 years down the road seems. Rory..." I'm not walking away," I responded irritably. "It's not like I won't come back... I'll keep in touch, Luke. But, I've gotta go home. There are things there--you know, I have my own school, and my own life..." Some life," he scoffed. "Think about this, Rory. You're just now calling your friends. You never even called them to tell them you'd be back after you and Eddie made that stupid deal. What does that tell you?" I was going through some things. I'm better now... look, I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"Luke frowned, and let go of the phone. I tried to ignore the way that he abruptly got off the bed and headed for the door, looking frustrated as I dialed Jason's phone number. Luke paused in the doorway and looked back at me."How are you gonna go back there? I mean, have you even talked to your grandma?" I will," I replied sternly, listening to the other line ring."And I guess you're gonna go right back into the closet, right? Maybe date a few girls while you're at it?".
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